Random Thoughts.

Okay.. This post is just gonna be about my current thoughts in the wee morning on a Sunday.

Seriously.. I think I can just go nuts thinking about you.. I don't know why but somehow.. Whenever I see you face to face.. Nothing seems to be able to come out of my mouth.. I just don't know what force comes over me and prevents me from saying it.. And.. Whenever I felt like I am gonna have the courage to finally go face to face and tell you how much I simply love you.. There would surely be another thought that comes to my mind telling me that all my efforts are futile because I always see you so happy being with other people and caring so much about them.. Though you are best friends with them.. I just can't help but feel slightly jealous on why can't I share the same kind of friendship you have with them.. And also.. I don't really know what happen between us.. But we just seemed not to be able to always communicate with one another.. I don't really know whats the reason why but I still think that it was always my fault who always started the so called 'ignoring' game.. It may not appeal much to you also since I also feel and think that you don't really give a damn about me.. Sometimes I also feel kinda foolish on why did I even think that you would even have the slightest or 0.0000001% that you might even like me.. Then I come to think of it as.. Why would you even wanna care about this fat ass that always seem to be injured so easily.. Then I dropped the thought of even asking you that question.. But when certain time comes.. I somehow think that if I was gonna ask that question to you.. You may accept.. I thought about this friday.. The most special time of many years.. A day.. date .. time that will never ever come again in our life time... How many times do one get to have such opportunities.. I then asked some of my closer friends.. They post me the questions that even got me dumbfounded.. ' Is the time ripe? '.. After some thoughts.. I felt like this chance only passes by once and I shouldn't waste it.. But after what I thought about 45mins ago.. I just feel like.. I shouldn't even think about something that wouldn't even work out.. I kept having thoughts on reasons on why did I choose on that day.. I had responses to them like.. ' I asked you today is because today is a special day.. date and time of the lifetime that we wouldn't get to see it again and I felt that it was appropiate to ask a special girl like you to be my girlfriend.. ' .. I didn't really think about how you were gonna respond because I thought that it was just gonna be like all my past answers... I don't really understand on how come you can become the girl that I can hold the torch for the longest in my heart.. Even my previous one didn't last for half a year.. And it wasn't because she rejected me but because of other reasons that I don't wanna state.. But you simply gave me a totally different feeling for you.. You gave me a sort of attraction that I feel no other girls could give me.. But the sound of your laughter and your smile can really make me smile at times.. Each time I see you looking so tired when I sit behind you.. I really can't help but feel like throwing a paper ball to your head and tell you to rest longer during the boring morning sessions we have with our CT.. You always seem so tired.. So many times that I wanted to care for you.. All these that I wanna do.. I didn't do because I always feel like you always had a group of best friends that can always care for you whenever you need them to be there.. I felt like an extra or a calefare who is always at the background looking out for you.. The competition that I have for winning your heart is not easy.. My competitors are people that I can never win.. Besides.. I never know whats going on in your mind.. I don't even know how you feel sometimes.. Its hard to decipher your actions. I always tried to look deep into your eyes.. But it doesn't tells me anything.. Could it be that you don't wanna accept me? But I always feel that you don't mind me sometimes.. Or could it be that you didn't wanna hurt me? But I'd rather you hurt me now then to keep me guessing whats going through your mind and actions.. I 'd rather that you tell me what you feel now and also the decision you would be making.. But at the end of the day.. The think that I wanna say is that.. No matter what the decision maybe.. Two thing is for sure.. I'm still gonna love you.. And I will always try to be there for you.. No matter how hard it takes.. Just don't keep me waiting..

P.S. I Love You forever.